12/31/2004
I am feeling: unfinished
I don’t really understand how to reconcile. There are times when I want to reconcile but there are obstacles in the way. I wish that things weren’t so messy in my life all the time. I always imagined my life all neat and compartmentalized, but it really hasn’t turned out that way so far. Instead I feel like a mouse caught in a maze — All I want is a piece of cheese…but all I get is confusion. I can’t even smell the cheese!
12/28/2004
I am feeling: in Awe and Wonder
I have been reading a book for my Theology class. It is pretty hard-core!! It is amazing to study and contemplate God. He is so huge. He is so great. He is so far beyond my comprehension. Just in this introduction class, I have encountered some of the biggest thoughts and deepest concepts that I have ever come across! I really feel blessed to be able to study God. I am blessed that He has made Himself knowable (or at least somewhat knowable) to us. There is so much to learn. I love Psalm 139 which says:
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is too high, I cannot attain to it.
-Psalm 139:6
David, the “man after God’s own heart”, was still in wonder of how big God was. “Big” seems like such a small word in comparison to who He is. I am really enjoying this exploration of God. I love the revelation.
God is HUGE!
12/25/2004
I am feeling: Merry
It’s Christmas!! Woo hoo! I have had such a great time so far back home with my family. This afternoon is going to be our big meal. I am gonna let myself slip a bit in the feeding department…but hey…it’s Christmas! You feel what I’m sayin’?
So one thing that was a little jacked up was the Christmas service at Church. I must admit that it was pretty pitiful. It was only about 25 min. long and it had nothing to do with Jesus being born. O well…I have been enjoying the season regardless.
This Christmas we decided not to do the whole traditional “gift scene”. Instead we all got a stocking and each person puts in a small treat or gift. It is nice, because it takes the focus off of the gifts and the superficiality of the season (I doubt that is a real word!?!?).
Well, it’s Christmas so I am going to spend some time with the fam. I hope you enjoy the Lord today!
Peace in Christ,
12/24/2004
I am feeling: Ambitious and Confused
I have been thinking a lot about what my goals in life are. I have so many ambitions, but how many of those actually translate into goals. I think I am like a flash light and less like a laser. I am a jack of all trades — Master of none. I am just looking for the Lord right now and seeking direction. I feel like I am looking down the road during a foggy day in Salem. I can see some things in my path up ahead…I am just not sure what the big picture is. So for now, I am just keeping my eyes on the center-line and hoping for the best. I sense that the road may clear up soon. But then again…who really knows?!?
One step at a time,
12/19/2004
I am feeling: like writing
I don’t really have lots to say…but I just wanted to write. I guess I will just say what’s been on my mind tonight. I think Christians have made sin irrelevant. At least I can do that sometimes. Sin is huge and far from irrelevant. God was tortured and killed for sin. All of my iniquities fell upon Him. All of my rebellion pierced His hands: Sick & Wrong! What amazing grace though! I don’t understand why God would do that. I mean, I don’t add anything to Him. It’s not like He was thinking one day “If only I could redeem Vin and have a relationship with him…that would make my existence so much better!”. Seriously…it is ONLY by grace that God chose the Cross. And to bring it all back to my main point, I seem to make it all irrelevant. When I make sin irrelevant, I make the Cross irrelevant. I minimize what He did on the Cross. And that is spit in His face. God has been convicting me lots lately, and I want to grasp my sin. I have been praying for Godly perspective. I think that as I grow in our understanding of my depravity, I will grow in grace. Because the sicker I know I am, the more dependent I will be upon the Physicain. You feeling that? Maybe? Maybe not?!
Ok…beddie bye!
12/18/2004
I am feeling: frightened
I wrote a couple days ago that I am scared that I will become an unfaithful man. Well, hold on…to use the word “become” would insinuate that I am a faithful man now. So maybe my fear is better said this way: I am afraid that I will be unfaithful in the most horrible of ways.
I have been reading through Jeremiah this last couple weeks; there is some meat in that book let me tell ya! I have really been hit hard at the blatant faithlessness of the Nation. God had blessed them in such amazing ways, but they chose to trick themselves out. What a nasty whore. The truth is that I resemble that nation in many ways. The book really opens up with what resembles a love letter:
I remember concerning you the ?devotion of your youth,
The love of your betrothals,
Your following after Me in the wilderness,
Through a land not sown.
-Jeremiah 2:2
God was just reminiscing on the good old times, but He has to end the love letter with a question that must have struck the Nation deep to the heart:
What injustice did your fathers find in Me,
That they went far from Me
And walked after emptiness and became empty?
-Jeremiah 2:5
The fact of the matter is that it was not injustice on God’s part that caused their wandering. The Nations faithfulness to God was sporadic at the best of times. They were skilled prostitutes lending themselves to any and all for whatever price. The sad thing is that it really ended up costing them enormous pain and suffering.
I also suffer. I suffer because I don’t live faithfully. I am like one tossed ‘to and fro’ by whatever seems to come my way. I hate living this way. I really despise it. It is has, as Jeremiah wrote, left me empty.
I fear this way of life has and will continue to contaminate my life. I don’t know how far it will extend to, but I feel almost paralyzed because of what I am afraid I might end up doing. I am made sick because I know I am not ‘too good’ to fall hard.
There is hope. I just have a hard time finding it. I have a hard time looking beyond my fears to the strength of God that is strong enough for any temptation or trial. I pray that He would begin to release me of some of these chains. I don’t want to live with inhibitions based on fear…at least not in this way.
And there he is. That was Frank.
12/17/2004
I am feeling: Relieved!
Man I had a crazy busy morning so far! I am at the Portland Airport waiting to board a plane heading for home. I am lucky that I got here on time since my bus didn’t show up. I had to drive to Portland from Salem (about an hour) and now I have to pay 8 bones a day for Airport parking! I am gone for 17 days, so that is gonna be a pretty penny! O well…roll with the punches?! I am really excited to be going home though! I miss my family quite a bit. It will be pretty great to spend some time with them. I hope that this Christmas season can be spiritual. I always want it to be, but I think I can easily get distracted by what Christmas has ‘become’. Well…I should go board my plane!
Next stop…CANADA!
12/16/2004
I am feeling: Freezing!!!
So tonight was pretty crazy. I met a friend of mine for coffee and to do some homework at around 7pm. Then I worked on my website for a bit. And when I was just about to head off to bed, I was chatting with a friend on msn, and we decided to meet up for coffee at around mid-night. She is really cool! We had fun…at least I did! We just talked about random things for a couple hours. I am glad that I am starting to make friends here in Salem. I think that God has really blessed me by putting some really awesome Christian people in my path. Well…it is 2:30am now & I am ready for bed (again).
Goodnight!
12/14/2004
I am feeling: a tad sore
So I took the bandage off today. Here is a pic of the final damage. It doesn’t really look like much. It really isn’t. I felt like a big baby going to the hospital, but it wouldn’t stop bleeding 
Nevertheless…here I am 4 stitches later. Yesterday I was scheduled to do some more work on the CD. We ended up doing vocals only since my guitar playing wouldn’t work out so well with my club finger 
Well, I really NEED to do some homework.
L8R.
12/13/2004
I am feeling: Numb
So I was trying to fix my coffee table with my pocket knife…that turned out not to be the best idea. I cut my finger up pretty bad and had to get 4 stitches! I’ve never had stitches before. So here’s poor me with my bandaged up middle finger and my hospital bracelet
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